Thursday, August 18, 2005

Jiminy Cricket

I haven't been here in awhile, have I? Mostly because I periodically lose my camera cable, and feel like posting without pictures is cheating. However, I might as well just write down some things to get myself back on track.

First thing: I've been in a crafting block...because my cat died.

I wish I could say that she was old, it was her time, or something..but she wasn't even three yet. I don't even know how she died. I was home for the weekend, cooking dinner with my dad, he went outside to light the grill, came back in slowly and said," Shan....something bad happened. I just found Cricket outside, dead." We think she must have gotten into some rat poison somewhere, because there was no visible reason for her to stop living.
I usually console myself when a pet dies by telling myself, "They had a good life." That's not working this time. Yeah, she had a good life...she loved life like no other pet I ever had. She was playful and excitable and full of adventure. And now she's been cheated of nine years of life she should have had.

And so I didn't feel like crafting for weeks, and to be honest, I still don't....I start things and rip them out, over and over and over. I've never really felt like this before--I'm a very materialistic person, I love objects, yarn, possessions....but now I feel like what's the point? What's the point of things when someone you love can just disappear at any time? When life can be lost, what do objects matter? It's a question I'm still struggling with...and I know it's only going to get worse. I have never had a human being who is close to me pass away yet.

I feel like it's disloyal to try not to think about her, to bury my thoughts and move on just for the sake of being cheerful. But I guess we do what we have to do.


Laura said...

I love to read your blog! I am so sorry about your kitty, it is so sad, especially since she was so young. My little black kitty who is barely a year old got out on 4th of July. She got scared from the fireworks and took off, I have not seen her since. I am still heartbroken over it. Its never easy to lose a pet. Everytime I am in a pet store and they have the adoption center setup I start bawling. I cannot handle it. Take care.


Marvie said...

Dang I'm so sorry about your kitty. It's always hard to loose a beloved pet, but I think moreso when they are young and you have no clue why they are gone.


Jennifa said...

I'm so sorry. I've lost only one pet, and it still bothers me (after four, five years). They're our "babies". Mourn as long as you need to- it was a family member.

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